In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING(S.H.I.T.)
We are trying to give our employees moreS.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T., please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students, if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'
Woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, 'Excuse me sir, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am.'
The man below replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.'
Men: What to have for dinner?
Men: Why don't we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, once i ate steamboat and later got pimples on my face.
Men: Alright, why don't we have Si Chuan cuisine.
Women: Yesterday we ate Si Chuan, why eat it today again?
Men: Hm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is no good, i ate it once, then later I got diarrhea.
Men: Then what you suggest?
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.