Many prominent
economists are saying that just having a job in this economy is reason to be
grateful. Unemployment is expected to reach 10% and the number of people living
below the poverty line is the highest it’s been in years. However, there are
some jobs where dumpster diving seems a better alternative. Being unemployed
doesn’t evoke the same cringes as these jobs do when you're asked, “What do you
do for a living?” In this economy, everyone should have an idea of the lowest
job they would accept. Hopefully it’s at least a few levels above any on this
list.
An incredibly small
portion of this field actually works and earns money. The odds are laughable,
and the self-love people need to even pursue acting is sad. When a person
proclaims that they're an actor and others don’t recognise their face, they are
looked at like a child stating he’s an astronaut.
Sole perk to the profession: There is no need to wake up early because
the unemployment cheque doesn’t arrive in the mail until noon.
You should tell people you're a: Freelance dramatist
No.9 Garbage man
As a child, riding
on the back of a huge, smelly truck might have sounded like fun, but as adults
it indicates a serious misstep in life. Often beginning in the very early
morning, workers spend their days in clothes that smell like death and pick up
the vomit-inducing waste of society.
Sole perk to the profession: Finding rare items that can be taken on
Antiques
Roadshow and pretending to be Emilio Estevez or Charlie Sheen in
Men at
Work.
You should tell people you're a: Sanitation engineer
No.8 Porn retail
A serious love of
masturbation and a serious lack of human contact lead men to become clerks at
adult shops. These guys work for minimum wage, sell porn to guys too dumb to
download it from the internet, and help giggling bachelorette parties buy penis
straws. Let’s not even get into to the clean-up responsibilities in stores with
private booths.
Sole perk to the profession: Free pornography and a plethora of
interesting stories about customers.
You should tell people you're an: Adult entertainment technical support
personnel
No.7 Street
performer
Why can’t outgoing
personalities just let people look at the ground and listen to their iPods? A
world where we don’t have to interact has been created for a reason. People
don’t want to see magic tricks or hear Sarah McLachlan covers accosting them
while they're just trying to get to work. That’s what YouTube is for while
we’re
at work.
Sole perk to the profession: Checking "entertainer" on tax
returns and writing off acoustic guitar strings.
You should tell people you're an: Alfresco entertainer
No.6 Carny
This job is a punch
line in today’s society. Only vagrants, ex-hookers, drug addicts, and ex-cons
work in ramshackle travelling carnivals. It allows them to move around without
the accusing stares they get when staying still for too long. When your job
description reads “teeth optional,” something seriously wrong has happened in
life.
Sole perk to the profession: Living a “rock star” lifestyle without any
kind of talent with endless drugs, dirty one-night stands with addicts,
drinking on the job, and constantly waking up in a new town.
You should tell people you're a: Mobile
entertainment specialist
No.5 Metre maid
Each day the
guppies of the police force drive around (often in miniature cars) and piss off
car owners by ticketing minor offenses like parking too close to a fire hydrant
or going 30 seconds over the metre. One of the most hated professions in the
world, British metre maids have been issued cotton swabs to take DNA samples
when people spit on them for later prosecution.
Sole perk to the profession: Humming “Lovely Rita (Metre Maid)” while
power-tripping across a parking lot. Also, sometimes they get to carry guns or
at least pepper spray.
You should tell people you're: Anything else but a metre maid. Lie. A
lot.
No.4 Walking
billboard
When a business
can't afford a real billboard, they hire a person to hold a sign. If an inanimate
object can do a job more effectively and for longer, the person’s intellect
really comes into question. These people are usually positioned on busy
streets, forcing them to breathe constant car exhaust and dodge projectiles
thrown by teenagers. Apocalypse freaks also work in this field pro bono by
wearing sandwich boards with “The End is Near” written on them.
Sole perk to the profession: It takes zero brainpower and Bret from
The
Flight of the Conchords worked this job on their TV series.
You should tell people you're an: Advertising technician
No.3
Telemarketer
This is the next
most hated profession after metre maid. People get a little excited when the
phone rings. Anyone could be calling. There are infinite possibilities: a new
job offer, the woman you met Saturday night or maybe a long lost friend.
Instead, it’s a telemarketer trying to sell knives we don’t want.
Sole perk to the profession: Not having to deal with people
face-to-face.
You should tell people you're a: Telecommunications service expert
No.2 Fast food
manager
This profession
screams "arrested development." These people have obviously worked
the same job since high school and now have a very low position of
"power." They get to scream at teenagers who are in their first job
and ex-cons who are in their first job out of prison. No matter how
well-groomed these managers try to be, after an hour in the store they have a
thin layer of grease covering their bodies.
Sole perk to the profession: Free burgers, getting to date barely legal
girls and working in a job where it is completely appropriate to grow a
pencil-thin moustache.
You should tell people you're in: Franchise management
No.1 Dish washer
Being at the low
end of food service is truly the lowest end. This is the first job many
teenagers or illegal immigrants get. People who can't control their acne or do
not understand English are just as effective as an adult. Anyone fluent in
English and over 18 should only take this job if Gisele is the busgirl.
Sole perk to the profession: Free food - if one considers half-eaten
food edible.
You should tell people you're a: Crockery sanitation artisan
Source : http://au.askmen.com
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